how Albert would change the Transformers 2 movie.

After a scathing review of Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, it seems only appropriate to compile a list of how to make the movie better, or tips for the third movie (yes Paramount said they were going to release it around Summer 2011, but Michael Bay wants to take a break from fighting robots) and we all know Mr. Bay needs some pointers, because he has no original ideas of his own (visual effects aren't ideas, thanks for pointing that out South Park)

1. CHANGE THE PLOT SO THAT THE EMPHASIS IS ON THE TRANSFORMERS, NOT THE PEOPLE
How? Mention the Sun Harvester earlier, activate it earlier in the movie so there is a sense of urgency (when the movie is over 2 hours long, a sense of urgency is critical). The Sun Harvester also drains the life energy of the sentient beings (humans) as an additional activation cost so they become rapidly useless. Using the military to successfully fight the Decepticons is just a slap in the face. This means that the Autobots and Decepticons get more screen time at the expense of Shia Lebouf, his parents which served as a vehicle of inappropriate humor (especially his mom), Megan Fox (we get it Michael Bay, shes hot, you don't need a Transformer humping her leg to prove that point), and the humans in general. And honestly, most of the moviegoers want to see robot carnage, the movie is called "Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen" not "Transformers and annoying human friends 2: Revenge of the Fallen"

2. CHANGE THE FIGHT SCENES SO WE ACTUALLY CAN MAKE SENSE OF WHAT WE'RE SEEING
Zoom out and give the Decepticons some actual color, instead of making them all grey and silver so we can visually see whats going on when they are fighting in hand-to-hand combat instead of using our imaginations. And why are they fighting in such close range when they have blaster technology thats far superior than hand-to-hand combat (although I must admit the energon sword parts were pretty fucking sweet. we could use more of that, and less of Transformers Tae Kwon Do). Forcing the Transformers to fight far apart seperates them, and individually the Transformers look AMAZING visually but only against the backdrop of real life. And why do only the Decepticons have the ability to summon a massive army from outer space instantly? Its hard to believe that only a handful of Autobots were protecting Earth for these generations.

3. RADICALLY CHANGE THE ENDING
When Optimus Prime fused with the SR-71 Blackbird, that was BAD ASS. Extend that fight scene, emphasize how much of a champ he is by doing a sort of 300 move, him versus a shitton of Decepticons, and he owns them all. Maybe even fuse him with his trailer, giving him additional unneccessary but visually orgasmic firepower.

Thats all for now.

1 comments:

caroline said...

1. yeah... i can't believe it was 2.5 hours long. optimus was only alive for like 5 mins at the end. what was happening for the rest of the time???
2. and visual effects were really awseome. they could definitely broaden the viewing range though that would be good. i liked how the decepticons weren't colorful... maybe two tone but i think it is a good contrast.
3. again, how did shia le bouf come back alive???
4. i still can't stand the cheesy one liners
5. what even happened with the thing in the pyramid??? last thing i knew it was activated and then the main bad guy died. wasn't the thing still on? what stopped it from destroying the sun...
my verification word is moist this time. ew
shia le bouf sucks

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